This just in…Sex Makes you Happier!

Yes, what  you have always suspected is true. That wonderful feeling you get after making love, having sex or getting lucky (depending on who you’re talking to) is good for you. Contrary to what they told us when we were 16, 17 or even 35, sex is healthy. In fact, it can increase your level of happiness quite significantly.

sexy pharmacist

BTW, this is what happens when you google “Sexy pharmacists”.

You know the feeling you get right after a particularly good sexual experience? Well, there is a chemical reason for that. There is a virtual pharmacy in our body creating the chemicals and hormones that we need to get through the day.

When we have sex, the tiny pharmacists inside us look at each other in their white coats and say “Gerald! our human had sex! We need to make some dopamine!” “That’s not all Marjorie, we should give them a huge dose of serotonin as well!” “By the way Marjorie you are looking very shapely in your white lab coat.” “Why thank you….perhaps I should unbutton it a bit, because its so hot in here…” At that point its all lava lamps and sexiness inside the body…That’s right even your body gets turned on by itself after you make love!

Alright I may have stretched my metaphor (and a couple of other things) in the last bit, but the point, is when we have sexual activity, our body produces both dopamine and serotonin that floods our system. When that happens, we feel good!

Alright this is the best statistic you will hear all day…

sex and money

….and this is what happens when you google “sex and money” at least the ones I can show.

Having sex once a week gives you the same boost of happiness and increased level of satisfaction as getting a raise of $50,000 a year.

Isn’t that the coolest? I can hear you now saying “Gosh that sounds great Rob, but what’s your source? Well a feature article in WebMD states

…”sex enters so strongly (and) positively in happiness equations that they estimate increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the amount of happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income for the average American.”

 http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sex-and-happiness

Ok! So that is pretty awesome! So, you want to feel as good as you would making another 50K? Have sex once a week and you are good to go.

I know I am being a bit flip about this but this has some really terrific implications for us. Making love or having sex  can really positively impact our lives.

Alright, let’s talk about the scary thing…MASTURBATION. There, I said it so we can all get on with it.

Well, what about masturbation? What if if we do it ourselves (as it were)?

Again, the good news is we can the same increase in both serotonin and dopamine, So you’re good to go!

Want to learn more about how to be happier? Sure you do! My new book Doing Happiness: Uncovering The Benefits of Feeling Good is out on Amazon! Check it out here!

doing happiness cover amazon

5 stars and everything! Have a great day. – Rob

Doing Happiness is LIVE on Amazon.

Gold star

Five Stars On Amazon! Many Thanks!

 

For every 10 reviews on Amazon, I’ll donate 10 copies of Doing Happiness to Gilda’s Club of Greater Toronto
I won’t tell you how good it is, but Hugh Culver will!! Thanks Hugh!

“Even if you are a happy person, I want you to read this book. What Rob Hawke has done is to boil down the best of positive psychology, self-help, and sage advice into a very readable (131 pages of goodness) guide to, as he says “uncovering the hidden benefits of feeling good.”

doing happiness cover amazon

I just completed my new book “Doing Happiness: Uncovering The Hidden Benefits of Feeling Good” The good news is there are simple things we can do everyday to help us feel true happiness. More than that, I talk about the many tangible benefits our happiness brings to us and those we care about the most.I could use a bit of help.

Would you be willing to read it and write a review on amazon? It would take all of two minutes and it’s really easy.

You will get a FREE digital copy of Doing Happiness for your time.
 
Step 1: Hit this link (or the title below) and download a FREE digital copy of Doing Happiness,
Step 2: If you like it, leave a positive review! (If its 5 stars that would be so terrific)
Your positive 5 star review with even a few kind words would have a lot of impact. Sound easy? Well, it is!
Here’s the link again…
Many thanks for your help!  -Rob

WTF! Am I the only one with these problems?

Have you ever felt like  your concerns are utterly different from anyone else’s?

Sure you have! We all have different circumstances in our lives. For instance, I am wondering… Will the tires last on our car? Will the vacant lot down the street become a giant condo complex and ruin our view? Will Stephen King come to my poker game?

STEPHENKING

Stephen King considers coming to my poker game. I hope he brings chips.

(Ok, maybe I made up the one about the car).

We all think our concerns and problems are completely unique, but are they?

I am currently working on a program for people who are having a really hard time. Now, this group is facing incredible challenges that are very specific. However, I’ve noticed in my years working with different groups that a lot of the things we face can be really similar.

Some few years ago, I thought the challenges facing me as a cancer patient were unique not just to cancer patients but to me. Yup. I thought my story and my bit of hardship was incredibly important and oh so precious. And to a degree it was, as an experience with cancer should not be diminished at all. What I am saying is that if we hang around on the planet long enough, chances are, we’re going to experience some kind of hardship. It’s part of this thing called being human.

Think about the people you are closest to. Do they have their gooey, unresolved human bits? Do they have a challenge in their lives that they find really tough, be it addiction, an emotional issue or just getting through the day in this ridiculously complex world? I’m going to guess that’s a big “YES!“.

heresthething

Its not like he needs my help, but Alec’s Podcast is terrific. Go ahead, click on it.

You see, it’s really easy to look at the shiny happy people (to quote REM- and why not? They rock.) and think that we are the only ones struggling to get out of bed in the morning, or working really hard to connect with our family, or dealing with a health issue. I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts by Alec Baldwin and he had Paul Simon on as a guest. Alec said he wanted to know what it was like to grow up being Paul Simon. Paul paused for a second and said “Hey, Everything happens to everybody.” I think that sums it up really well. Everything does happen to everybody. Especially over time.

You could say that this statement is trite and patently untrue. In a literal sense you would be correct. You could say to me “Hey Rob, This thing happened to me. It did not happen to you. Do not lessen the importance of my experience.” Point taken. After all, I once barfed in the train station in Hanoi at 5:30 am.

hanoi-train

I barfed in this building once. I’m sorry Hanoi.

Has that happened to everybody? I sure hope not. Especially for the train station. However, I’m pretty sure we all go through some very basic human experiences that really seem to be the cost of the ticket to this ride called life. I think we all experience joy, love, loss, fear, connection, frustration, envy and of course a desire for a Led Zeppelin Reunion (ok maybe that’s just a few million of us).

Neil

Neil is awesome. That is all.

But in my work with cancer patients, their families, corporations, healthcare professionals, executives, and young people, I am starting to notice that the specifics of our challenges may be very different, but we are all out there, trying to find our way, trying to make a better life for ourselves and our families and trying to make sense of a world that may not make sense*. Wherever you are, to quote another great musician, keep on rockin’ in the free world.

*When Stephen King does come to my poker game, I’m sure he’ll call me on that run on sentence. Hey Stephen, read it out loud and it sounds fine! By the way, I just finished Finders Keepers and I loved it.

Hawke out.

Are you tough enough to give this “frightening” gift of happiness.

This simple exercise is scientifically proven to make you happier but it’s scary.

In fact, it makes me so nervous, that I’m trying to get the courage to do it.

Here’s the deal. You think of someone in your life who has really helped you out. Someone who you are really grateful to for everything they have done. This could be a really good friend, teacher, parent or sibling. Once you have them in mind, you write a page or so thanking them for everything they have done for you.

So far so good right? Here’s the catch. Instead of sending it off by email or snail mail, you call them up and then read them the letter.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m nervous about this. The prospect of calling up my Mom and Dad and thanking them and then having a conversation with a good friend of mine and actually being honest instead of making dirty jokes is something I could easily put off until, well, forever (or at least until the next Game Of Thrones book comes out, whichever comes first.). However, I committed to doing this. I’ve written the letters and read them a couple of times out loud and its go time! Right after lunch.Game-of-Thrones-metal

Because who wants to do something like this on an empty stomach? Not me! And besides, I am prone to displays of emotion so the conversations are probably going to end with me blubbering like someone watching the end of “Love Actually”. Perfect! (He said, wishing there was a sarcasm font). BTW, this is all research for my upcoming book Doing Happiness: Uncovering the Hidden Benefits of Feeling Good.

Alright, so I’ve eaten left over chicken and prepared myself to not tear up by watching Youtube clips of Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, so I think I’m ready.Clint Gif

Here goes.

OK, So, I got through the first one! I called up my best friend and read him my note of thanks. It was very weird and remarkably honest. I thought it would be awkward but it was actually alright. He was quite taken aback it seems, cause really, a friend rarely calls you up, swears at you and then says you’re awesome.

Now, on to my parents… After finding every excuse in the book NOT to do this, I finally went for it.cliff

Alright! That went pretty well! The world did not end and nobody cried. (This is actually a great way to measure if a day has been a success) I managed to read my note to Mom and Dad and everything was alright. I do feel really good right now. In fact, I feel downright happy. It also feels like I’ve given a gift to people who I really care about. That actually might be the most important part about this. I know it’s an exercise to increase your level of happiness, but it feels different than that. It feels like this altruistic gift of acknowledgement and appreciation.

If you want to use this technique to scientifically improve your level of happiness (and those you care about) here are the steps…

1: Decide who you want to thank.

2: Set a timer for about 20 mins and write them a letter about how thankful you are for everything they have done for you.

3: Promise yourself that you’ll get to it tomorrow.

4: When tomorrow arrives, decide it’s not the right time and then do your laundry or wash your dishes, or do your taxes from 3 years ago.

5: Finally get the courage to pick up the phone.

6: Say something like “Could you do me a favour? All you have to do is listen, I’ve written you a letter and I want to read it to you. Don’t worry, it’s all good stuff, is that ok?”

7: Read the letter.

8: Feel Awesome!

You’ll probably feel terrific afterwards, and as a bonus, the folks you care about will feel great as well. This is definitely a scary and generous gift to give and as a bonus, I bet you also get your laundry done.

Happy Post Holidays Everyone!

(Photo by Jenn Pierce/The Press)

Hawke out.

Is Your Happiness Selfish?

Have you ever been told that your happiness was selfish? I bet you have. “They” say concern for our own well being is something that should really be at the bottom of our list in terms of priorities or that we are being greedy or petty when we take our own happiness into account. The truth is that when we make our happiness a priority good things happen for us and for those around us. In fact, the contagiousness of feeling good virtually guarantees that if we are happy, we are making the world a better place for those we love the most.hands with globe

By the way, when I am talking about making your own happiness a priority, I am not talking about thinking only of your own needs. Please don’t say to yourself “OK, Rob says my happiness is important, so I’m going to stuff my face full of poutine, buy a red convertible on credit and move to Antigua with a bunch of bathing suit models because that will make me happy!”

zeppelin

I am crazy about these guys. Have you heard “The Rain Song”? Wow.

I’m not talking about living like we’re Led Zeppelin in 1976, or Russel Brand in 2002, I’m talking about making our daily happiness something that we care about and take into consideration.

Believe it or not, this takes discipline. It is attained not so much by going after our every sensory based desire (although, I’m all for sensory based desires) but by doing simple activities that have been proven to make us feel good, right now and in the long term as well.

“Happiness is contagious” is said so often that its a bit of a cliche, but did you know that its actually, quantifiably true?  A little out fit called The Harvard Medical School (you may have heard of them) did a study called “Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network: longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study” (which is really such a catchy title that it should be a pop song by Katy Perry).

“Hey Everybody, I hope you like my new hit Dynamic spread of happiness in a large social network ! Woo hoo!

In this study they found that if you were a friend of someone and lived within 1 mile of them your chance of being happy went up by 25%! Wow! If we can extrapolate (and heck why not?) that would mean that by being happy ourselves, we are actually increasing the chances of our friends and family who live close to us by 25%. Really, you are doing the world a huge chunk of good if you are happy. Isn’t that great? I think it is. So, to answer our first question, Is your happiness selfish? Nope! In fact, you being happy is one of the most generous things you can do for the world.

Hawke out.

 

So, what do you want to know about happiness?

happinessWhat do you want to know about happiness? Seriously.

It seems to me that happiness is one of those things that all of humanity is after but not that many of us get on a regular basis. After we have enough to eat, a warm place to sleep and access to a decent PVR all of us start to wonder about how to obtain this strange commodity called happiness.

We stumble on it on occasion in strange places that always seem really funny to me. In fact, one of the happiest times I had this past year was standing ankle deep in water during a thunderstorm while unplugging the drain at the side of my house. Really. This raises several questions, the first of which is probably “Why don’t I get out more?” There are a whole ton of questions you might have about happiness as well. Ones like…

Can we be happier on a daily basis? Is it something we arrive at when we get a new BMW convertible? What about sex? (I mean in relation to happiness..) What about money? Is it the root of all evil or does it actually help us get more satisfaction in our lives? What about genetics? Can we do simple things everyday that will help us increase our happiness?

What are your questions about happiness? I really want to know. In fact, I am currently writing a book about happiness and I would love to get your questions and input. What do you want to know happiness?

Please drop me a line at robhawke@gmail.com

And if you want to hang out with me, you’ll find me by the side of my house waiting for the next thunderstorm.

Look forward to hearing from you!

John Cleese on the “How” of creativity.

I am a huge fan of Mr. John Cleese. Yes, I was one of those irritating teenagers who could repeat the Argument Sketch (A brilliant Monty Python bit) ad nasuem.

I love Cleese’s work. Its funny, absurd and wickedly smart. A few years ago he did a talk on creativity. He talked about what creative people have to do to have an effective process. The “How” of creativity if you will. Most people don’t really believe that the HOW of creativity exists. They think that we (those who create) just blunder about until some great (or not great) idea falls from the firmament and then we write it, sculpt it, draw it, or deliver it in whatever discipline we choose. Cleese doesn’t agree with that. He feels we need SPACE to create. Here’s the video here…

He believes (as does another hero of mine, some unkown named “Stephen King”) that inspiration does show up but that it will show up much more often if we are present, ready and waiting for it. We have to keep our appointment with creativity in order for things to happen. Like a lot of appointments though, sometimes we have to wait for the other party to show up. Sometimes we have to twiddle our thumbs and wait.

I honestly think that most people can’t handle the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen next. Sometimes when we are making something we have to sit there for long periods of time waiting for something to happen. OK maybe its not that long, but it FEELS like a long time.

I have done some creative work in my time. A couple of books, a bunch of live comedy, a CD with a very good friend of mine, and in the process of ALL of them there was some time spent just wondering what the heck to do next, but if we stick with it and stay in that uncomfortable space for a while, an idea will magically bubble up from somewhere. Call it the collective unconscious, call it the depths of your psyche, call it Harold, but whatever you call it, something, some idea or inspiration will arrive.

Keith Richards, another remarkable artist who I have a tremendous amount of respect for was asked how he writes. He said “You don’t really write, you transmit.” When we are writing, improvising or whatever, we sometimes lose yourself in the process and feel a kind of beautiful “Lift Off”. The thing we are working on creates itself in an almost effortless fashion. That is a wonderful feeling, but we have to force ourselves to show up and do our art in order for that to happen. So what’s the big deal here? I think that as creative folks we have to embrace what most people do not. We have to come to terms with not knowing how its going to turn out. We have to hang out in the “uncomfortableness” of being unfinished and trust that somewhere out there or somewhere in here, there is an answer and it will arrive.

If we keep showing up, it will.